Happy Valentines! I must admit, I never really liked Valentines day because 1) I thought it to be a very exclusive day for those that are “couples” leaving all the singles such as myself hanging out to dry watching all these couples be lovey-dovey to each other. I was pretty much disgusted and annoyed by it just to be honest. Yes, I was bitter about it and dreaded it each year frankly speaking, but God showed me something about myself and had to deal with my broken heart concerning this issue. 2) I don’t believe love should be expressed on this one day only. If you really love someone, love should be shown everyday. It’s nice to have a day to celebrate it, but the last time I checked, I believe that Jesus showed us what real love looked like. Jesus is Love so don’t wait for one special day that only happens once a year to express it to your loved ones.
So today, I’m saying that Jesus is my Valentine, not for just today, but for my whole life. I love Jesus and when you think about all that He has done for you, you realize that love isn’t subject to one day, Jesus is LOVE personified. Love is a person and that person is Jesus. The way you express love to your spouse should be in alignment to God’s personality. Husbands, Love your wives as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her, Wives submit to your husband. If your husband loves you in the way that Jesus loves you, women would not have a problem submitting to their husband. The reason why many relationships are in trouble today is because people don’t understand how to love each other as Christ-like as possible.
24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. 31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
I don’t know if any of you have read The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate is a 1995 book by Gary Chapman. It outlines five ways to express and experience love that Chapman calls “love languages”: gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service (devotion), and physical touch (intimacy).
If you think about these 5 ways we express love to one another, we can apply the same thing with the way we express our love and devotion to Christ our Saviour. Personally, my love languages that I identify with the most are quality time, words of affirmation and physical touch (affection). I grew up in a family where my parents and grandparents spent quality time with me, gave me words of affirmation and expressed love with physical affection (hugs and kisses, hand holding etc). The other two love languages acts of service and gifts are secondary for me. My family did show me the other two love languages but I identify strongly with the 3 I have listed above. I love that they worked hard to bring me up and I’m blessed to have received many gifts from them, but I know personally I love the quality of time we’ve spent together laughing, joking around, the embraces I received and the words of affirmation that built my character today. I find that when I go into my own prayer closet, I express my love for God in the very same way. I enjoy being in God’s presence, I enjoy spending quality time with the King of kings and the Lord of lords. I enjoy giving Jesus my affection and words of affirmation. Yes I bring my gifts and acts of service in the church and in my everyday affairs, but I believe that apart from those things, our Lord wants to spend quality time with us.
So if you’re single (just like me), and have dreaded Valentines Day just like the plague like I did because it reminds you of how “lonely” you feel, just remember, that a person cannot fill the void in your heart. Only Jesus can fill those places.
I’ve seen people get together and there’s no love in the relationship. There has been too much squabbling, bickering and complaining that there is literally no affection displayed at all, there are no words of affirmation, virtually no acts of service, nor gifts or quality time spent together because no one wants to set aside their pride to make their relationship work. God showed me that if you don’t know how to love His Son Jesus, then how are you then able to show this love to your family or significant other? As a single person waiting for God’s best in my life, I believe that this is the time where we learn to love people in the way God wants us to. Don’t wait to be in a relationship to express it, learn to love people that are around you right now. When you cultivate these love languages in your life with the current people you have around you, you will see things differently and appreciate what you have. I know what it’s like to feel bitter about being single, and honestly, God showed me that I had serious issues. I’ve read many articles from people who are in successful relationships trying to encourage us “single folk”, but God impressed in my heart, that it’s time a single person encourages single people because I can identify with us experiencing this season in our lives. I hope that what I’ve written here encourages somebody today.
You are not “alone” or as “lonely” as you think you are. God is with you even when you think this whole thing is lasting forever. But believe me when I say, that this is a time for you to maximize on the current relationship you have with the Lord. Cultivate your time to spend more time in the presence of the King. I feel a fulfilment knowing that God is with me even now. My spiritual giftings have increased in that I am now able to interpret peoples dreams (I’m still growing in this area) and prophecy when prompted by the Holy Spirit to do so, I can discern spirits, and I am still growing in the Lord. Despite all this, God says, “Increase in your ability to LOVE my people”. The greatest gift isn’t all these spiritual gifts that I’ve grown in, in God’s eyes, LOVE is still the greatest thing of all. It doesn’t matter how gifted you end up becoming, God strongly emphasizes that you must have LOVE in your heart for His People. God never changed His mind about that.
This is why I learned to shift my focus off of my supposed “loneliness” and cultivated intimacy with the Lord to learn to hear from Him directly. The reason why some of us are deaf to the voice of the Holy Spirit is because we are too self-absorbed in our problems and have not learned to enter into the secret place where the Lord dwells,who seeks intimacy to share His secrets with us. If you don’t learn to cultivate your relationship with Jesus now, do not assume for one second that you’ll be able to cultivate one with another person here on earth successfully. Do not be deceived. You’ll enter into a relationship rather selfishly since you were already too self-absorbed about your needs and wants, that you’ll never love the other person properly. Learn to Love Jesus and His people and when you cultivate that relationship you’ll be ready to love the other person with a Christ-like attitude.
I’ve come to a place where I’m satisfied of my current status quo. I have learned to ignore those that make fun of my single status at my age, because I believe in God’s perfect timing. I believe that God wants the best for me. Until you get to that place where you trust God fully, you’ll always be miserable and miss out on what’s good around you. I have had the privilege of travelling, and will continue to do that Praise the Lord. I have met so many people, experienced different cultures and now understand that as a single person, you are able to do more in this season. So maximize on what time you have now. The moment you get married, things do change, you will have new responsibilities and people depending on you. It’s a shift of mindset and priorities. It’s also an opportunity to be a blessing to your spouse and your children or future children. But if you aren’t there yet, be a blessing to other people right now, Amen!
When I lost my grandmother, I realised that man…life is short. I’ve come to a place where I appreciate this season of singleness and have learned that you cannot be too self-focused about what you want when you cannot seem to appreciate what’s right in front of you right now. You seriously don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone so don’t regret the opportunity that you have right now to spend quality time with those that you have around you. Life is short, but it gets shorter when you don’t maximize on what you have right now. Learn to build a heart of gratitude. Being single may seem like hell to you right now as you watch your friends around you in relationships, but that is when you have to learn to love God all the more, Trust God all the more. Believe God all the more. He is the Author and Finisher of your love life. Let God write the script and give Him your paper so that he can author the right relationship for you. However, this means, you must learn to sit at His feet to be able to learn how to hear from God and hear what He says about you.
Rejoice and be merry. Thank God for all the things that He has blessed you with. Find reasons to give God Praise. Stop being bitter. Believe me when I say that it gets you nowhere. You’ll fill yourself up with self-pity and will be blinded by the beauty that is already around you. Learn to cultivate your love for people by learning how Christ loved us and gave His life up for us so that we could do the same and love other people in return in a Christ-like fashion. It doesn’t matter how gifted you are, if you do not have love in your heart for your brother and sister in Christ, then you are but a clanging cymbal…with no sense of harmony in your life. Love has a beautiful sound…don’t end up being a clanging cymbal with a heart of self-entitlement to what the world has to offer you. You are a blessing that is supposed to bless others, so don’t think too highly of yourself and expect to always receive from others when you’ve been called to be a giver just as God gave us His best, He gave us His Son Jesus. Give your best gift of love to others today, AMEN!
1 Corinthians 13(NKJV)
The Greatest Gift
13 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. 2 And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing.
4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth;7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8 Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part. 10 But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away.
11 When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. 12 For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.
13 And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
Therefore, for the singles out there that hate this day, let Jesus be your Valentine today. For those that are already in a relationship, Praise the Lord and allow yourself to love Him and He to love you back in return. Even if you don’t acknowledge Jesus today, He will never leave you nor forsake you. He will love you forever. He will walk with you during the storms of life, He will be there for you when you cry, when you rejoice, when you achieve things. Jesus is your greatest cheerleader. He will cheer for you when you’ve done a job well done. He will make a way for you to prosper. He will always be with you every step of the way. He will walk with you through hell and back. He will be there for you when you need Him. Jesus seeks such a great level of intimacy with Him that this is why I’m making Him my valentine. Love God by Loving His people. I challenge you to show love to those that have not received it today. Say a word of encouragement, hug somebody, spend quality time with people, give gifts to those that have never received one, show kindness and serve one another as Jesus has served you.
There’s this song sung by Fred Hammond that comes to mind for this day. It’s called How I love You. I pray that this song blesses your spirit today.
Happy Valentines Everybody and God bless you. 😀