I don’t know why I’m writing about this today. I guess it’s because I met up with a friend of mine called “H” (that’s the acronym in place of her real name that I won’t share on this blog) at the opening night of The Avengers movie screening. And let me tell you …. that that movie was AWESOME!!!! 😀 Y’all should check it out when you get the chance. 😀 But, I digress…
You see, I haven’t seen this particular friend of mine in such a long loooooong time, even before I got sick a year ago, and she was accompanied by her boyfriend to whom she introduced to me and I think that the guy is a nice guy for her. I had to give her kudos to this guy that she introduced me to, because my friend “H” has had this tendency to date some weirdos before, who seemed to be quite possessive in nature…which can’t be healthy in any relationship, but I got a good vibe about the one she introduced to me that night. Her boyfriend had a gentle demeanor about him and while he was with my friend at the movies, he was also taking care of his grandmother that had also accompanied them to the movies. That’s Man material right there lol 😀 !
Anyways, my friend “H” had given me and my twin sister updates on a mutual friend of ours whom I’ll call “Z” that I hadn’t heard from in such a long time, and she told me that “Z” had broken up with her boyfriend that I remember being introduced to a couple of years ago before I got sick. When I met “Z”‘s boyfriend at a party that my friend “Z” was holding at her house, I thought that he was such an awesome guy! He was so polite, funny, outgoing and respectful and I could tell that he really loved my friend “Z”. The problem with my friend “Z” was that she had two sides to her that I knew about. In front of other people, she displays a character of a “good-natured” girl that doesn’t get into trouble; but the thing is, she’s really wild and has a problem with flirting with many guys… In fact, she portrayed this “good-girl” image for a while until one day she confessed to me that she’d slept around and had a problem with remaining faithful. I think she wanted to know what my reaction would be to that since she knew I was a “Christian” gal. I wasn’t really surprised by what she had told me because I could already discern all of that. And even though she was like this, I cast no judgment against her. I just felt that she was needy of male attention for the wrong reasons. I think me and my friend “H” entered our friend “Z”‘s life at a time where this girl needed some sense of stability in her life and not hang out with crazy and wild people that had no boundaries.
“Z’s” boyfriend, to whom I’ll call “A”, was so polite and had encouraged his girlfriend (my friend) “Z” to invite “H”, my twin sister and I to attend a barbecue at his house as he introduced “Z” and her “friends” (which was us) to his family. My friend “Z’s” intention of inviting us to this Barbecue was to portray that she had a “good-girl with good-friends” image in front of his family. I know full well, that “H”, my twin sister and I were not her only friends… In fact, we were not even the closest friends to her in my honest opinion. I know that “Z” had other friends, but they were wild and I mean WILD… However, she wasn’t going to have them come to this party because she knows full well that such friends would ruin her “good-girl” image in front of her boyfriend’s family. My friend “H” and I thought that “Z” shouldn’t pretend in front of her boyfriend’s family… However, she wanted to survive the night away and just get it over and done with… This whole thing made me question the motivations of my friend “Z” because I knew she couldn’t pretend like this for long. The party ended well, and her boyfriend “A’s” family seemed to respond positively to my friend “Z” after bringing us along to the party because the family believed that the quality of the girlfriend needed to be measured by who she hung out with. Although “Z” is my friend, she used me, my twin sister and my friend “H” for the wrong purpose of sucking up to her boyfriend “A’s” family. She was not being real with herself here…. *UGH!!!!*
Long story short… So when I met up with my friend “H” at the movies a few weeks ago, she updated me and told me that our friend “Z” had broken up with her boyfriend “A” because she cheated on him with some other guy. My friend “H” also lost touch with our friend “Z” after that incident since she stopped communicating with all of us put together.
I remember distinctly telling and warning my friend “Z” to not mess up the relationship she had with “A” because I could tell that he really loved her by the way he entertained us as her friends and the way he was so proud to show off his girlfriend to his friends and family meant that he was dead serious about this relationship. The guy was a great guy and I think that if my friend “Z” had remained faithful to him, she would have had a meaningful and lasting relationship. Again UGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! I don’t like to say that “nice guys finish last”… like a cliché, but ughhhhhh… in this case… my friend “Z” made that saying become her truth. I was disappointed by the news. I hate seeing the future at times…but I kinda saw this coming knowing how my friend had cheating tendencies and (soul-tie issues) that she had failed to address earlier on as she would confess out of her mouth with the weird stuff she would say… UGHHHHH!!!!!!!!
Sometimes, when you look at other people’s relationships, you can envy them for simply obtaining the thing you desire for yourself…but I particularly find it aggravating when someone is blessed with something (like a real love relationship) that you wish you could have in your life and then they simply destroy it by the poor choices that they make. Some of us have to wait a long long time to obtain the very same thing that one already has at the tip of their fingers, and therefore, I simply can’t understand why some people would do this to themselves. I don’t want to be a harsh judge of character; however, I do feel sad for both my friend “Z” for the poor choices that she made and also for her boyfriend “A” who remained faithful throughout the entire relationship and now suffers from a broken heart. The ending was just tragic at best.
This example of a failed love relationship can be likened to how we all relate to God in our personal lives. God forever remains faithful towards us even when we are unfaithful to Him time and time again with our own actions. And yet, we as human-beings can remain fickle-minded and gravitate towards things that can break our relationship with Jesus so easily if we simply yield to our temptations. Our temptations become so paramount to satisfying our temporal needs, our tight-fisted egos and also to our seemingly insatiable desires, that we end up setting aside the sacrifice that God gave His only begotten Son, Jesus, to save us from the pits of death because of our sinful nature as an act of TRUE LOVE as we scour away in our various lusts and temptations.
For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.
I don’t think that my friend “Z” knew what she had with “A” until he was gone. As people, we should not take who we have in our lives for granted. If God blesses you with meaningful relationships, then don’t take such relationships for granted. Don’t be pretentious with respect to your intentions when you relate with people. Be the genuine article at all times, because the respect you give is the respect you’ll get in return. My friend “Z” failed to respect her boyfriend’s heart and therefore lost out on a true life-long lasting love relationship she could have had with him. I could tell that he really cared about her enough to entertain whoever she cherished in her life as friends since he entertained us at his home party simply because we were “Z’s” Friends.
The ending is rather sad, but what I learned from all this is that when you choose to love someone:
Be genuine in all your endeavors, especially when you intend to pour out your all to such a person (your potential “significant other”/spouse).
- Be discerning and do not be blinded by the mere “emotion” of love and yet fail to see the true character and spirit of the person you seek to yoke yourself with.
- Be prayerful about every relationship you have in your life.
- Be cognizant and aware of your own personal weaknesses and strengths.
- Be real with yourself and Do Not lie to yourself and to others.
- Confront your true self and learn to be vulnerable enough to show your true colours in front of the person you love.
- Pray to God to break any unhealthy soul-ties (from past relationships both sexual or non-sexual) that can cause your current relationship to suffer.
- Pray to God and seek to be forgiven of any moral flaws that you find in your character.
- Pray to God to renew your mind, your body, your spirit and your soul to be crafted in the likeness of Jesus Christ.
- Learn to forgive yourself when you make mistakes in a relationship.
- Ask God to help you love your “significant other” as you learn to love yourself.
- Ask God to guide you to the right person who is attached to the destiny of your life.
In everything you do, simply pray to God for the answers. Do not underestimate the power of Prayer. I think that whether you’re in a relationship or not, it is always important to develop that personal intimacy with God on your own before you decide to yoke yourself to another person to join hands with you in your life’s destiny. People may come and go in your life, but what should always remain is your close-knit relationship with God on a personal basis.
Having traveled and moved from place to place and from country to country since the age of 5, I’ve learned to say goodbye to my friends so many times that in some ways I’ve become used to the lack of permanence with respect to any relationship. The first time I had to leave a country to go somewhere else and leave my friends was when I was at the age 5. That whole experience of having to leave my friends and moving on to go to another country was so painful that I cried soo much with a broken heart as I left. I think that after the first time that I had to leave a country to move and go somewhere else, I subconsciously made a vow within myself to not hold people too dearly to my heart anymore because I felt that the pain of leaving them would hurt when I had to move on. I’m not saying that this was a good thing I did, it’s just that I felt every relationship I’d have would be temporary with no sense of permanence since I’d leave the country again at some point due to the nature of my grandparents diplomatic status… Because of that experience, I’m starting to realize why it is that I marvel at other people’s long-term relationships lasting, when in my life, the (friend) relationships I’ve ever had, wouldn’t last more than 3-4 years since I’d be moving from one country to another, due to the nature of my diplomatic parentage.
I think that the moment I settled in Canada at the age of 16, was when I realized that my way of thinking about relationships was wrong, because now I have lived in a country for more than 4 years and could now see that long-lasting relationships are possible. I had to break that inner vow that I had made within myself as a kid with respect to no longer holding onto any relationship to be dear to me since I at that time couldn’t see any sense of permanence when relating to others. Hopefully, as I continue to grow in my faith with God, I’ll learn not to be too cynical about long-lasting relationships being possible, and hopefully, God can heal that part of me that still remains guarded in forming close-knit relationships with others in the first place since I’ve been betrayed and abandoned before and have lost the confidence of recognizing any real permanence in friend relationships since people can be so fickle. I hope I’m not too cynical in what I’ve just said. May God help me with this one. I believe that God is still dealing with me on this issue and so I’ll continue to work on it. Has anybody ever felt this way? If you have, holla in the comments down below and let me know how you’ve dealt with this.
To close off this post, I have a song to encourage you by Matt Redman Feat. Tasha Cobbs called Gracefully Broken. I pray that this song blesses your spirit today. God Bless You Everybody! 😀