We all know that we all make mistakes but we have a bad habit of beating ourselves up over it. This is what we call self-condemnation.
Self-condemnation – an admission that you have failed to do or be something you know you should do or be.
It’s one thing to learn to forgive others but you will find that some people have an even more difficult time at learning to forgive themselves for their past mistakes and failures. Sometimes people land in this negative mindset not because of things that they have done but because of the negative feedback they recieve from others which reinforces this state of self-condemnation. If you are told often enough that “you’re not good enough” or are in a verbally or physically abusive relationship, you can start to believe that you deserve the ill-treatment that you receive from others and end up allowing yourself to start to practice self-abuse because of self-condemnation.
Let me tell you right now that self-condemnation is NOT your PORTION in life. You have the ability to free yourself from this self-destructive way of thinking. Some people may find that if they are trapped in an abusive situation from their peers or loved ones, they face larger obstacles from freeing their mind from self-condemnation. I find that it’s one thing to teach on the value of forgiveness but it’s harder to put it into practice when the times call for it in these types of situations. This is not to say that there is no freedom from this vicious cycle, but there are obvious factors that are present in these circumstances that become obstacles from releasing ones mind from this type of negative mentality.
Self-condemnation is a type of noose that is tied around a persons mind. There are steps one can take to avoid getting trapped into a cycle of self-condemnation. Normally, when you know you’ve made a mistake, you should allow yourself to:
1) RECOGNIZE your mistake(s);
2) REFLECT on what you could have done differently;
4) MOVE ON after learning what to do differently for the next time you encounter the same or similar situation.
Those that practice self-condemnation never seem to get past stage 1. It’s not enough to recognize your mistakes if you aren’t planning on reflecting on how to move on beyond it. This is how people get into emotional bondages that cause them to be unable to progress in life because they haven’t learned to forgive and let go of past mistakes. I remember a time when I made some crazy mistakes and beat myself out of it that I landed into a state of DEPRESSION. If you have read my earlier post on Comfort zones, this state of behavior is closely tied to that topic as well. When you get depressed you start to feel hopeless and you digress into negative thought patterns that entertain thoughts of suicide and eventually death if you leave yourself unchecked. You will feel vulnerable and this is why it is important to have accountability partners in your life. They snap you out of this crazy state of mind. At the time I didn’t have friends that could do this for me and I had to learn how to fight this way of thinking on my own. Even if you are alone, you can battle it out and get out of that cycle. However, I didn’t do this by my personal might nor by power because I knew if I did, it would be a losing battle. I relied on praying to God to get my mind back on track and meditating on His Word (Zecheriah 4:6). Believe me when I say that prayer really works and meditating on what the Word of God says helps you understand that you aren’t the first person to feel this way.Remember you can do all things through Christ you strengthens us (Philippians 4:13).
Break the cycle of self-abusive behaviours that trap you into that emotional roller-coaster of self-condemnation.
Self-condemnation prevents you from reaching out for help when you need it the most. You don’t deserve to live in regret. Everyone has regrets, but you have to get past the regret and move forward to continue pressing on towards the goal (Philippians 3:13-15). You can’t change the past so look at your present circumstances and see the things that you need to change in order to do those things and have something too look forward to in your future. Learn to have a Positive mind by confessing positive things to yourself. Do this everyday until you break your negative thought patterns. It can be as simple as writing 3 good things about yourself each day and believing in it. Notice the operative word here is BELIEVING. If you don’t believe in the positive things you hear about yourself then you will set yourself up to remain in that emotional bondage. Break yourself out of this mental entrapment. Do this and you will overcome and break the cycle.
Self-Condemners have a defeatist mentality. They already believe that there is no way they can change. That is lie that you should stop believing RIGHT NOW! You can overcome feeling defeated by changing how you see your failure.
Allow yourself to be free from self-condemnation. You have to surround yourself with positive-minded people. Meditate on things that give you that strength to look beyond your mistakes and failures. I keep repeating this in a lot of my posts but seriously “you become what you think” (Proverbs 23:7).
Exercise your FREEDOM! You don’t have to condemn yourself anymore. You can learn from your mistakes and free yourself from self-abusive meditation. Regrets shouldn’t shackle you down from pursuing your dreams and meaningful relationships. Understand that only you can change the way you think at the end of the day. People may be there in your life to guide you out of that negative pattern but essentially, it all boils down to you deciding to change your thought patterns. You can do this, it is achievable, it is possible, and is in your hands to break the shackles of your mind from believing that there is no way out. Change your belief patterns and think of positive things that will boost your self-esteem. You can change the way you think and start renewing your mind to think of things that edify your image as a person (Romans 12:2; Ephesians 4:23). Reject negative reports of others and don’ t allow others to keep you feeling condemned for your actions forever.
Recognize your failures and decide to be free from this negative cycle and learn to FORGIVE YOURSELF.